Thursday, September 25, 2008

Sarah Palin? I'd rather fuck a pig.

Everyone's talking recently about the affable (I mean, F-able) Sarah Palin. So why am I chirping in on this discussion? Well, first of all I'd like to steal some of the limelight that every blogger in North America is shining on themselves by posting my own self-indulging rant about someone I've never met, AND to assure my dedicated fans (cricket, cricket) that I am far from jumping on that crass bandwagon of degenerates that wants to bend our possible future VP over a couch and slide their toilet plungers into her stinky hole (figure out which one that is).

Yes, she somewhat resembles the ever captivating Tina Fey. But does that entitle her to MILF status? Hardly. I don't care how many dicks she sucked to be voted into office, her fake tan and multiple orgasms are no match for the wit and candor of an intellectual like Fey. Plus there is nothing sexy about shooting stray dogs from a helicopter. Is there? Not unless that dog's wearing lipstick.


Peter Varvel said...

If there is a heaven I hope a stray dog gets to take a photo with Sarah Palin's corpse as his trophy.

Misty Harris said...

lmao to the last two lines of this post. Genius!

Quin Browne said...

stink hole... stink hole.. i don't ge....

oh, right.

(ahahaha! my word verification has bm as the last two letters)

Louise Larsen said...

God, I love you for saying this.


shaikens said...

Well. That was tasteful.


Mike Valentino said...

Nothing's as crass as her actions, Shaikens.

Anonymous said...

Barack Hussein Obama Meets Sarah Palin While In a Hot Air Balloon

A black man named OMG was in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He lowers himself in altitude and spots a white Alaskan woman hunting wild, crazy man-eating wolves from an air-boat below.

With exception to Animal Rights Activists, wolves are not nice and friendly wild dogs, they are beasts called wolves. They are not cute, cuddley, or domesticated. They will kill YOU, your children, and your pet domesticated loving dogs.

Get it? Probably not. AR is AR!

He shouts to her, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.

The Alaskan woman consults her portable GPS and replies, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

The man rolls his eyes and says, "You must be a Republican!"

"I am," replies the Alaskan woman. "How did you know?"

"Well," answers the balloonist, "everything you tell me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you're not much help to me."

The Alaskan woman smiles and responds, "You must be a Democrat."

"I am," replies the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the woman, "You don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea of how to keep, and now you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault."

Louise Larsen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Louise Larsen said...

Got any more great jokes because I'm still ROFL.

Oh, yeah, hey, I got good one:

Okay. So, this philosopher, named "Anonymous," walks into the bar one day and sees Sarah Palin and Obama ( inexplicably called OMG.)

The philosopher spots a place on an empty bar stool between Sarah Palin and OMG and takes his seat between them.

The bartender looks up at the philosopher and suddenly, without warning, pulls out a gun from behind the bar and -- Bang!, shoots "Anonymous," dead.

Stunned at this shocking scene, Sarah Palin and Obama both cry out to the bartender "What'd you do that for, man?!"

The bartender just smiled and said:

"I can't take anymore stupid fucking jokes about you guys anymore."

Mike Valentino said...

Thank you, Louise. Thank you.

Louise Larsen said...

You're welcome. You're welcome.

I'm going to be hitting that ball back as fast and as hard as I can from now till election day.

:o) -- Louise on the left

Ps. what the f is "AR?!"

"Animal Rights is Animal Rights?" uh, yeah. ooookay.