Monday, February 23, 2009

Pepsi Courts the Original Spokesman

I don't know what to think. It's a beautifully done commercial. If it was advertising anything else, though, I think I might approve. A new record, a HBO special, Gold Bond Medicated Powder- Anything! Well, I've gotta go to the store and pick up a twelve pack of Pepsi. See ya later, suckers.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Help! I've Been Robbed By the Capitalist System!

Utah Phillips recited this poem during a concert of his where he performed songs from the Little Red Songbook. I think it is aptly suited to be read with the above picture of the Big Three CEO's.

The Two Bums

The bum on the rod is hunted down
As the enemy of mankind;
The other is driven around to his club
And feted, wined and dined.

And they who curse the bum on the rods
As the essence of all that is bad
Will greet the other with a winning smile
And extend him the hand so glad.

The bum on the rods is a social flea
Who gets an occasional bite;
The bum on the plush is a social leech,
Blood-sucking day and night.

The bum on the rods is a load so light
That his weight we scarcely feel,
But it takes the labor of dozens of men
To furnish the other a meal.

As long as you sanction the bum on the plush,
The other will always be there,
But rid yourself of the bum on the plush
And the other will disappear.

Then make an intelligent, organized kick,
Get rid of the weights that crush;
Don't worry about the bum on the rods,
Get rid of the bum on the plush!

Conan OBrien's Last Episode

It's the end of a era. I didn't watch the show from the begining back in1993, but it has been there with me since as far back as I can remember. Adolescence would not have been the same without this large pale man and his offbeat humor. Every night through highschool and college were spent waiting for Conan to come on. Sadly, I haven't watched him with as much regularity in the past year. I feel like my crazy uncle just died and all I can think is that I should have spent more time with him when I had the chance. Luckily he'll still be on the air. I just hope California doesn't eat him alive.

On a side note, did anybody else notice how horribly awful the White Stripes were?

Friday, February 20, 2009

Here Comes Success

I recently connected with someone on Facebook that I hadn't seen in more than fifteen years. The last time I saw her, we were both goofy-looking children. She's a model, now. I'm no model by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm not as ugly as some of these busted-up mugs I've seen. Yeah, my weight gain diet didn't turn out the way I thought it would. My arms and shoulders are still scrawny, but I've got a nice gut to compensate. Physical attributes aside, life has been good to me. I'm not sure if I would have said the same a few weeks ago.

I haven't been too keen on turning 25. My father-in-law spent his 25th birthday in a state of mournful regret. Even though he'd accomplished alot for a young man, he still felt inadequate. I guess that's where I am. But there's alot to be thankful for. I've got Bekki. That doesn't sound like much of an accomplishment, but you try living with her for a week and you might have a new found respect for what I put up with. Getting married at 21 isn't an accomplishment. To remain married and still just as madly in love four years later is, though. We own a house. No one bought it for us. No one gave it to us. I guess no matter where life takes us I can be happy that we got there on our own grit and determination. Our families helped out, mind you, and I'm not dogging anyone whose family has helped out more, but we did it ourselves and that's something I can be proud of.

I haven't published a book, yet. I promised myself that I'd have a published book by the time I turn 25. I could sit here and wallow about my loss of professional success (and trust me, I have), but I have so much personal success that it all seems minute. The personal growth I've developed is deeply satisfying. I think having the energy and the attention span of a 3rd grader has brought my wife to her wit's end, but my personal discovery has only brought us closer together. And at the end of the day, our relationship is the true bar of success.

I promised my mother before I left Charleston that I would find Jesus. With as many churches as there are around here I regret to inform her that this has not happened yet. I am growing spiritually, which is not what she probably wants to hear, but it still means something. We all take different paths in life. I never would have thought that mine would lead me to this small Appalachian town, but it has and life is good. And no, I didn't cop out for a $25 "Life is Good" t-shirt, I used every waking thought to send me in a positive direction. I might have gotten distracted by a couple shiny objects, but I'm still on that righteous path.

I'm not sure who said it first or who I heard it from, but there's a quote I try to live by. It goes, "We are the thoughts we choose to entertain in our minds". I'm thinking mostly positive thoughts these days. Hopefully that paired with hard work will bring me to where I want to be professionally. I may never be a model or fill out a one-piece bathing suit the way some people do, but I'm happy. And at 25 that's about all I can say.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Bradley Cooper is Water and I am a Semi-Permeable Membrane

Valentine's Day is for lovers. He's Just Not That Into You is for lonely women who eat Ben and Jerry's ice cream while reading Cosmo. I wish someone would have told me that before I took Bekki to see it on our Valentine's Day date. Having to sit through awkward sex scenes with the voluptuous Scarlett Johansson while your wife mumbles "what a whore" was the least of my frustrations. The character that Johansson sleeps with is a married man! So now I've gotta be like "Yeah, that fuckin' home wrecker! She tried to do the same thing to me last week and I was like, Bitch, please! I'm married. I think you better go fuck Bradley Cooper instead!"

The film is also produced by and co-stars Drew Barrymore. Rather foolishly, I once informed my wife that I found Ms. Barrymore moderately attractive. Thankfully she appeared quite old and wrinkly looking. This helped me to look a tad less piggish. But just as I feel I'm dodging the hot seat, Jennifer Connelly discovers that her husband is smoking behind her back even AFTER her father died of lung cancer. That's me! I've been caught TWICE smoking behind my wife's back. Once was when we were teenagers, but still! So I'm looking out the corner of my eye at Bekki and wondering if she's engaged in some sort of chick-flick transference by subconsciously redirecting Cooper's follies onto me.

Luckily Ben Affleck shows up with Jennifer Aniston on his arm. They've been dating for seven years and are madly in love. She's a little upset that he hasn't asked her to marry him, yet, but I think they'll be ok. And then, what, wait, Aniston gives Affleck an ultimatum? Marry me or this relationship is over? Ben Affleck leaves Jennifer Aniston?!? What is wrong with you, Ben? You're making me look bad over here. And all I wanted to do was take my wife to see a nice romantic movie for Valentine's Day. Justin Long? Yeah, he's not much better. He ends up becoming the nice committed guy that Ginnifer Goodwin desperately craves, but he acts like a complete tool in the process. The film's synopsis? Don't ever trust your husband around Scarlett Johansson.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

WNCW 88.7

I'll be on air tonight from 12am-4am EST (9am-1am PST). If you're in the Asheville, NC area, it's 88.7. In Charlotte it's 100.3. In Greenville, SC it's 97.3 and in Boone, NC it's 92.9. If you want to listen online just go to the WNCW website at and click on the Listen Live button in the upper right hand corner.