My wife is hot. She is also sick. As her mother put it, sick enough to snot out a few oysters. If that's the case then I'm pissed, because I've been cleaning up tissues for the past few days now and have yet to find a pearl. Perhaps she was referring to Mountain Oysters.
On a positive note, feeling under the weather will only speed up her weight loss. It's hard to eat when you're slowly dying. She's lost over 15 pounds now. I am so in love with this woman. I almost feel like I owe it to her to eat healthy and live better. The key word there being 'almost'. Hey, I quit cigarettes, but I'll be damned if I quit binge drinking.
If you divert your eyes from my wife's shapely bottom and look slightly to the right, you will see three red plants. Two of those plants are red daisies that I recently purchased. The third is a small red cactus who I named Marie* after my red-headed wife. Apparently, though, cacti do not fare well exposed to the cold North Carolina climate for prolonged periods of time. I say this because Marie is now dead. The weather man said that we have a 70% chance of snow tonight. Perhaps I better move the real Marie indoors as well. That or cover her with a blanket or a tarp.
*For all of you 'fact-checkers' out there, my wife's name is Rebecca Marie.
On a positive note, feeling under the weather will only speed up her weight loss. It's hard to eat when you're slowly dying. She's lost over 15 pounds now. I am so in love with this woman. I almost feel like I owe it to her to eat healthy and live better. The key word there being 'almost'. Hey, I quit cigarettes, but I'll be damned if I quit binge drinking.
If you divert your eyes from my wife's shapely bottom and look slightly to the right, you will see three red plants. Two of those plants are red daisies that I recently purchased. The third is a small red cactus who I named Marie* after my red-headed wife. Apparently, though, cacti do not fare well exposed to the cold North Carolina climate for prolonged periods of time. I say this because Marie is now dead. The weather man said that we have a 70% chance of snow tonight. Perhaps I better move the real Marie indoors as well. That or cover her with a blanket or a tarp.
*For all of you 'fact-checkers' out there, my wife's name is Rebecca Marie.
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7 comments:
"I say this because Marie is now dead." That just made me laugh so hard, but of course you heard me because you're in the next room. Leaving the cactus in freezing weather should have been a no-brainer. I still have hope that she will live even though she's lost her color and has a rottem spot on her green part.(What is it? Her stem? Hell if I know). Anyway. I love you, too.
i want someone to love me like this.
ps cactus=desert. desert=hot. live and learn, grasshopper.
Quin: ME TOO.
Quin and Madley, I will be more specific. I want Mike to love me like this.
Bekki- Give up hope. She's dead.
Quin and Madley- I'm only sweet because I love getting brownie points.
Prince- Exactly! It's like, I don't want be LIKE Prince. I want to make him 'disappear', steal his cat, his home, his clothes and his material and pretend that I AM Prince.
Damn my wife's hot.
prince, we can all dream in different ways...
ps my word verification was lovetrot
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