Why Would Anyone Live in Spartanburg?

I'd like to briefly mention the Trinity. It is an idea that the Catholics have used for centuries to confuse those they've conquered and enslaved. I, too, have wrestled with this concept. How can three entities be one and separate at the same time? Like Jennifer Lopez and J-Lo. You never see them in the same room together, but sources tell me that they're probably the same person.

I use this same logic for geographical questions as well. Now I'm not a linguistics professional by any means, but I feel by using the Trinity-Lopez school of thought it is safe to say that Sparta, Greece and Spartanburg, South Carolina are probably the same place. This is only relevant when you consider my lineage. Having a good deal of Greek blood via relatives from Athens, I consider the venture into Spartanburg today more than a grocery run, but an act of bravery not seen since days of yore.

It is common knowledge that the city-states of Athens and Sparta are sworn mortal enemies. So I was on guard today as I crossed the border between North and South Carolina. Indeed, the natives were hostile, especially when ringing up my purchases at their Petsmart. Upon first inspection I detected two distinctly different tribes. One was comprised of very loud and boisterous dark skinned individuals. They wore brightly colored clothing and traveled in large groups. The other was lighter in complexion. Their faces were gruff with stubble and their shoulders were drenched in either camouflage or plaid. The second group seemed tenser in demeanor, perhaps due to traveling in smaller, more guarded herds.

Whether these two factions are vying for control over Spartanburg is hard to say. As an outsider, it is difficult to imagine anyone wanting to live there in the first place. As an Athenian, however, it may prove useful to ignite some sort of conflict between the two. Indeed, their actions seemed far from civil as they raced about the crowded streets honking their horns and fighting each other for the best parking spot. So now that I'm safe at home I am left with two questions: How did I make it out alive? and Why would I ever want to go back?