Oy Vey!

Isn't it nice to see Israel and Palestine fighting again? I'm all for change, but there is a certain level of comfort in a routine, too. What with Obama's inauguration coming up, the Blagojevich scandal and Rick Warren persecuting homosexuals, it seems that the world is changing at a rapid pace. The last time in American history that the country experienced this much change this quickly was the late 1950's/1960's. And we all remember how that turned out, right? Equal rights for blacks, women left the kitchen, a Catholic was elected to the presidency- it was horrible.

Thanks to those fiery-tempered Middle Easterners and those I'm gonna tell you I'm not a terrorist but I really am Israelis, a resemblance of normalcy has been restored. Now, I don't care whether Phillip Seymour Hoffman plays hide the erection with 11 year olds or whether Tom Cruise plays dress up with the Third Reich, real life drama is always just a tad more exciting than Hollywood. That's why I could never get into those shoot-em-up movies. Give me the nightly news or a snuff film, because red dye #23 doesn't hold a candle to human suffering.

One can only assume that this is why the Israelis and Palestinians continue to fight. It can't be over religion, because their religions clearly dictate to them that killing is a sin. And it certainly isn't over land or some large scale, historical family feud, because I'm sure those would both be classified as the "sinful ways of the world". So it must be that both sides just have an honest penchant for violence. And that's something I can live with.

Kanye West is the Greatest Rapper Alive

Many fans and critics of hip-hop music will tell you that Jay-Z was lyrically surpassed on the track Renegade by the song's producer, Eminem. The song, from 2001's critically acclaimed The Blueprint, raises serious concerns about the self-proclaimed "greatest rapper alive(s)" claim to the throne. Not to be outdone, Kanye West intentionally dumbed-down every lyric to his sophmore effort, Late Registration, to allow Jay-Z to outshine him as an MC and as a lyricist. Whether this was done as a good-will gesture to Hova or a cunning pr stunt, it is certain that a new claim to the throne has spoken.

This incident does well to explain the events circling Kanye's recent appearance on Saturday Night Live. Eyebrows have been raised by people everywhere by what appears to be West caught lip-syncing to the single Heartless. For anyone who has followed Kanye West and his trail-blazing career, this is nothing more than a one-up on Miss Ashley Simpson who was similarly caught lip-syncing on SNL last year. The balls in your court, Ashley, make your move.

Kanye is not content with merely lapping his peers in what some would consider "failures" or "huge disappointments", he also wants to succeed in profitable trends such as the emergence of a style in hip-hop lovingly referred to as RoboRap. RoboRap was popularized by New Orleans rapper Lil' Wayne and uses a device known as an auto tune to distort the artists voice into a metallic space-age parody of itself. Many artists including Jay-Z, TI, Akon and Cher have used this device to great success. In the recent SNL debacle, West performed Heartless in which he sings through an auto tune. Is this the part where the genius of Kanye West comes full circle? I don't think they call him the greatest rapper alive for nothing.

A Ghost To Most by Drive By Truckers

The 2008 release Brighter Than Creation's Dark from Drive By Truckers has already ended up on many best-of-the-year lists. A Ghost To Most, a Mike Cooley penned tune, is one of nineteen original compositions by Cooley and fellow songwriters Patterson Hood and Shonna Tucker. If you're unfamiliar with this group, think of a cross between Lynryd Skynyrd and Leonard Cohen. For more info visit the band's website at DriveByTruckers.com.

Update

Red, the american pit bull terrier (mix?), is adjusting to life in our house (kennel) with ease. She seems extremely smart. Bekki taught her sit and lay down on command in about ten minutes. That's pretty smart for an energetic little puppy. I've been thinking about starting her real training soon. I've already got the tread mill and the raw meat to feed her. I figure if I slap her around a little bit she might lose her trust in humans and turn vicious. We leave the tv on for the dogs when we go to work (I know, right?). Bekki has been leaving it on MSNBC who are apparently having a "Lock Down: Life Behind Bars" marathon. What better way for Red to get vicious than by forcing her to watch 8 hours of brutal killers and child rapists?

My first live radio show will be Monday December 29th from 12am-4am EST (So I suppose it's technically Tuesday morning, not Monday night). If anyone is interested you can listen to the station from your PC by going to their website WNCW.org and clicking on the Listen Live button in the top left hand corner of the page. I'm listening to the station right now and it sounds crystal clear. So if anyone is curious to hear my infamous lisp/stutter, tune in Monday night (especially you guys on the West coast. With the time delay, you've got no excuse!).

Be good, Bitches!

Twas the Night Before X-Mas

Dear Santa,

Hey, it's me again. Sorry I never got around to sending a thank you letter for last years gifts. I know that I've already got a lot of wonderful things in my life (new house, new car, new dog and the love of my life happy and healthy), but there are a few material possessions that I've been Jonesing for recently. I tried asking Jesus, but he was too busy having brunch with Joel Osteen. So, if you have a minute I have a few items to request.

Have you heard of the new vodka Ciroc? Apparently Sean "P. Diddy Daddy Puffy" Combs took time from his scientific laboratory where he makes perfume to oversee the fermentation of French vodka. Plus, he's like the new Frank Sinatra or something so his vodka has to be awesome. Two bottles ought to make Christmas night a littler warmer.

Next on the list is KY Yours and Mine genital lube. You know, they have those commercials where some random couple are sitting on a bed, speaking in short choppy sentences right before they knock boots? I know the lube works because the commercials give me the same uneasy panicky feeling that actual intercourse does. So if walking down the "naughty" aisle at the supermarket doesn't bother you, could you please pick me up a tube? Thanks.

If I think of anything else, I'll be sure to give you a ring.

Sincerely,

Mike V.

Testicles Revisited

Defending Hank Williams, Jr.'s testicles seems like an almost hopeless cause. With his outspoken endorsement of ex-presidential candidate John McCain via a complete re-working of his classic country-music hit Family Tradition, any attempt at explaining away his crooked stance appears in vain. Not since George Lucas returned to his seminal masterpiece Star Wars has an artist butchered their former work with such disregard for its initial splendor. Country-music fans everywhere now feel the shame and helplessness that sci-fi nerds have felt ever since Lucas added that horribly cartoonish song and dance routine into Return of the Jedi.

After hearing the remake of Family Tradition (now McCain/Palin Tradition), the realization of what the song and the artist are capable of destroys any nostalgia that the work once held. It's like seeing the girl you took home from the bar lying on your bed in the light of morning. She doesn't look so hot now, does she? Meanwhile, she's just realizing the only reason she sucked your nasty dick in the first place was because Lil' Wayne's song Dick Pleaser was blasting at the club. Now, both of you are sitting there with your goodies hanging out searching aimlessly for the words that will alleviate the awkwardness of the situation. And now whenever you reach into your "spank bank" for her bad dye-job jumping around on your lap, all your left with is the image of a digitalized Jabba the Hutt singing McCain/Palin Tradition.

But then your buddy reminds you that you're the type of douche that goes to clubs where they play Dick Pleaser over the sound system. And once you realize that you spend more time in front of the mirror than your 13 year old niece (who, by the way, has Dick Pleaser as her Myspace default song) you're forced to agree with your friend and say, "yes, i am indeed a douche". Now you're left with a mild dilemma- Do you pursue your new-found morality and taste or do you tap your toes when McCain/Palin Tradition comes on and say to yourself that it's not that bad? Either way you're exposed as the shallow fuck that you are. But don't worry, everyone else is tapping their toes as well.

Thanks to my wife, Bekki, for providing the Lucas/Williams comparison during a heated discussion at Chili's last week.

Alabama High-Test by Old Crow Medicine Show

Nashville natives Old Crow Medicine Show made big waves with their previous two studio albums OCMS and Big Iron World. Their self-titled debut contained their hugely popular signature tune, Wagon Wheel which was co-written by singer Bob Dylan. On the group's current release, 2008's Tennessee Pusher, they teamed up with legendary producer Don Was.