Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Twas the Night Before X-Mas

Dear Santa,

Hey, it's me again. Sorry I never got around to sending a thank you letter for last years gifts. I know that I've already got a lot of wonderful things in my life (new house, new car, new dog and the love of my life happy and healthy), but there are a few material possessions that I've been Jonesing for recently. I tried asking Jesus, but he was too busy having brunch with Joel Osteen. So, if you have a minute I have a few items to request.

Have you heard of the new vodka Ciroc? Apparently Sean "P. Diddy Daddy Puffy" Combs took time from his scientific laboratory where he makes perfume to oversee the fermentation of French vodka. Plus, he's like the new Frank Sinatra or something so his vodka has to be awesome. Two bottles ought to make Christmas night a littler warmer.

Next on the list is KY Yours and Mine genital lube. You know, they have those commercials where some random couple are sitting on a bed, speaking in short choppy sentences right before they knock boots? I know the lube works because the commercials give me the same uneasy panicky feeling that actual intercourse does. So if walking down the "naughty" aisle at the supermarket doesn't bother you, could you please pick me up a tube? Thanks.

If I think of anything else, I'll be sure to give you a ring.

Sincerely,

Mike V.

6 comments:

quin browne said...

the lube? a friend of mine used it, and said it was bad news.


and they do they deed enough to know.

Madley said...

LOL Hope you get what you wish for, and Happy Holidays! :)

Ziggy Za. said...

LMAO!
If Santa answers you, let him know he's got one more time to ignore me or it's arsenic in the cookies. Thanks.

Mike Valentino said...

QB- So, your friend is a slut?

Madley- I wish for you to feel better.

Ziggy Za- I'll pass the word on.

ginger b said...

Best Santa letter ever!

Louise Larsen said...

If that magi-lube added to your couple-fun, let us know.

It's so reassuring to think something over the counter could add some genuine lust in one's bedroom, again.

And give us a review of the booze, too. Now I'm curious to try it.