Friday, August 1, 2008

A Conversation with. . .

Prince Gomolvilas

What a long, awkward trip it's been. Here's the breakdown for those who haven't been paying attention: The Catalyst, The Backlash , followed promptly by A Lot of Soul Searching, and then the birth of Artistic Respect , and now this. . .

ring, ring, ring

Prince: Hello?

Me: Yello! Talk to me.

Prince: Hello?

Me: Yello!

Prince: Ok. Who is this?

Me: It's me. You know, your online love interest.

Prince: Mike Valentino?

Me: In the flesh. The hot, sultry, pornographic flesh. How I got your number is not important, so don't ask. I just thought it was time that the relationship move up to the next plateau.

Prince: Wow. Uh. . . I don't know what to say. Mike, we don't have a relationship. You're married, remember? And I'm an entertainer. I'm a playwright. I work with make-believe.

Me: Of course I know I'm married. I love my wife very much. Are you saying I don't? Because if you are then we've got a problem.

Prince: Calm down. I didn't realize how much you Southerners loved your wives.

Me: Actually it's just me. Most Southerners only pretend to love their wives because some preacher told them they'll go to Hell if they don't. I am actually deeply, deeply in love with my wife. She told me I could pursue you on the side, though. She said you appeared "clean".

Prince: Well, I'm flattered, but you do know that you can't tell if a person is an STD carrier by mere appearances, right?

Me: STD? Ha Ha Ha. You big city fellas with your abbreviations. Ha Ha.

Prince: Anyways. . . Mike, I'm NOT gay.

Me: Huh?

Prince: It's an act. I figured that being Asian wasn't enough to make me stand out in California, so I created this gay persona. I'm even more of a minority than before. It's fabulous.

Me: I didn't think homosexuals were considered minorities in California. Huh. You learn something new everyday. Well (sighs with discontentment) I've gotta go shave my legs. I'll talk to you later, PrinceyPoo!

Prince: Ok, bye then.

Prince hangs up the phone and shakes his head in shame. "Wow" he says to himself. "What a fucking queer".


Peter Varvel said...

A lot of soul searching?
Or hole searching?
Congratulations on your Gaysian Persuasion initiation!
Your wife rocks!

Prince Gomolvilas said...

Okay. This was hilarious.

But I would never say, "I didn't realize how much you Southerners loved your wives."

I would actually say, "I didn't realize how much you hillbillies loved your wives."

Peter Varvel said...

Or sisters?

Madley said...

Dude, you're funny! And thanks for the posts to the beginning of it all...

How in the world did you start reading Prince all the way from them there hills?

quin browne said...


i could hear prince's voice in that conversation... until it got to the "i'm not gay"

then, i imagined i heard laughter.

oh, wait... that was me laughing.

never mind.