Friday, December 5, 2008

The Geek in the Mirror

Behind the cruel snickering and robust chuckles that I've thrown at a growing minority lies the truth that maybe I am what I so vehemently despise. I do not mean to insinuate that I am referring to the homosexuals, because they are still sinful heathens that I thrust my engorged disapproval upon. Nor do I mean to infer the blacks, who will surely hide behind their negro president and drain our limping economy with reparations checks. No, I speak of that most shameful of groups, the science fiction nerds.

I was hesitant at first to review the evidence, but as it stacked up so weightily and so dauntingly before me I found myself with no other option than to examine myself. I love Star Wars. It's true. I am not ashamed of this. If light saber duels are wrong, I don't want to be right. This alone, though, is not enough to condemn me. Sigh. I am also a huge Twilight Zone fan. And I use to watch the original Star Trek growing up. And I watch Ghost Hunters on the SciFi Channel. I know, I know. Please keep your disapproving eyes off me. I feel enough shame as it is.

Upon this new revelation I decided to embrace my new found identity instead of hiding behind a facade of ubercool swagger and dashing good looks. A few years ago, I went to see the first Lord of the Rings movie in the theater and walked out 2 hours into it. I decided to give this "masterpiece" another chance. Round 2 came on TNT the other night. I watched it. The next night they played Return of the King, the third installment. I watched this one as well. My conclusion: Lord of the Rings still blows.


Prince Gomolvilas said...

"they are still sinful heathens that I thrust my engorged disapproval upon"

...Mike, you can stick your disapproval in any orifice of my body.

Ziggy Za. said...

So...what do you think of the homosexual black science fiction nerd?

Peter Varvel said...

Me, too. I love that you thrust your engorged ANYTHING upon us sinful heathens.
Give in and join the dark side, since you've already leaked your penchant for dueling light sabers.

Mike Valentino said...

Ziggy Za- I think my head just exploded. . . and not in the way Prince or Peter would want.

Quin Browne said...

i knew prince and peter would pick up on the engorged word.

i, however, focused on...

where were we?