Monday, January 19, 2009

Penis Envy (Part I)

I got a coworker named Alabama. I call him that to protect his anonymity and, well, because he's from Alabama. Nice guy. Real thick southern accent. He's got a story for everything. If you've seen it, he's seen it bigger and better. If you've done it, he's done it twice and never returned its phone calls.

Huckleberry's a nice gal. She's got a real high-pitched voice and always wears colorful socks. She's kinda an oddball, but has a thing for rednecks. So inevitably her and Alabama hook up. After a few weeks of giggling and sending text messages she invites his homeless hillbilly ass to stay at her place. I like this. He's a swell guy. She's a swell girl. So, this thing that's happened, I like it.

We leave work at the same time last night, Alabama and I. I'm walking him to his car, because I'm parked right beside him. I don't normally walk dudes to their cars. In fact, I'm not sure why I said I "walked him to his car" at all. What I should have said was "we were both traveling towards similar destinations when our paths crossed for a prolonged period of time". A littler wordier, but it makes more sense.

So I finally get to my car and he finally gets to his car. We do this at about the same time. They were parked right beside each other. Alabama starts laughing. I don't know what the hell he's laughing at. So he points it out to me. "Look. You don't see that? On the bumper?" I had to get a little bit closer so my eyes could focus.


quin browne said...

I'm not sure why I said I "walked him to his car" at all.

because you knew it would make prince jealous.

Mike Valentino said...

Ha, Prince doesn't even read this blog anymore.

Prince Gomolvilas said...

Fuck you, I don't.