Thursday, October 2, 2008

Re: Bad Sum Bitch

This post is in response to the worst blog post I have ever written, Bad Sum Bitch. The post was horrible not only for its subject matter but for its style as well. It is as childishly rudimentary as it is unimaginative. I would also like to recant the statements made concerning vulgarity and adopt my previous held philosophy that writers use swear words as a cop-out for more descriptive adjectives (nouns are still fun!). I still find it acceptable, though, to use biblical swears such as hell, damn and bastard. Here's why:

I took Dirt, my 20+ year old cat, to the vet today. He was a trooper as always. No cat carrier for this guy. He sat on my lap completely calm the whole time. He did, however, throw a major temper tantrum in the office. It is hard to be angry with him, considering some big black dude was pushing a cold thermometer up his boonky. I know some cats that might find this exhilarating, but not Dirt. I got him some pills for a respiratory bug that he's got and, hopefully, all is well.

How does this tie in to my use of biblical or 'old, crotchety man' swears? If I refused myself the right to use these words, how would I talk about my blog? I'd probably have to rename it and everyone knows that I'm a stickler for tradition. What would I scream out when I stubbed my toe? And, of course, I'd have to toss out all of Dirts Wu-Tang records and never mention his namesake, Old Dirty Bastard, again. Forget that stuff!


Prince Gomolvilas said...

Pork Chop would not enjoy "a cold thermometer up his boonky." Thermometers are too small and do not provide ample rectal stimulation.

Peter Varvel said...

Then, Pork Chop must be unimpressed with your efforts to hump him, Prince (yeah right - as if Prince would boink pussy of any kind).

Thanks for providing an extremely useful word for my fag vocabulary.

And I hope Dirt gets better, soon. How amazing that he's over 20!