Vote Yes On Prop 8!

I've choked on my words for long enough concerning this Prop 8 abomination. How dare those liberal/trippy-hippy/homosexual/Californian-Jews try to push their yoga-taking/pill-popping/organic-food-eating agenda on hardworking Americans like myself. It is the small town values that honest Christians like Sarah Palin and, to a lesser extent, John McCain are trying to preserve. What this country needs is more small town values.

Barack Obama claims that us small town folks cling to guns and religion. Well, if that's what he thinks then he's probably right. But what's wrong with guns and religion? We're gonna need those guns when Obamas election sparks the race war prophesied in the Bible. Lord knows the Blacks, Asians and Latinos are all packing the heat, so why do the Jews in Washington insist on unarming law-abiding white citizens? That's the question you have to ask yourself come election day. And religion? Well, if Barack Obama views religion as a crutch that simple folk use to their advantage, I have one thing to say to him: You may win this election with your smooth talk and extended vocabulary, but you won't be standing in the winner's circle when the Rapture comes.

And guns and religion aren't the only things us small town folk cling to. We have a wide variety of extra-circular activities that include but are not limited to:

-smoking meth
-beating our wives
-making racist jokes
-drinking
-cashing unemployment checks
-rape
-smoking pot
-pawning our stuff
-pawning other people's stuff
-smoking more meth
-pedophilia
-and loitering

So the next time Obama and his secret Muslim buddies want to pigeon hold us small towners as simple one-dimensional hypocrites who preach acceptance but fear change, I've got one word for him: Jealous?