Thursday, September 11, 2008

Confessions of a Guappo

The tangled web of personalities that were responsible for World War II would cause many to heap blame upon the Italians, but I protest! I can prove in several short paragraphs why Italians should be celebrated for conquering the evil zealots and returning peace (?) to the world.

So you're thinking to yourself, 'C'mon, Mike. Everyone knows that Italy was 1/3 of the Axis. How can a group of people who buddied up with Hitler possibly be considered crusaders for peace?'

Well, I would respond to you with a quick slap to the face. How dare you lump the actions of a few deranged Italians onto the whole population and their global descendants? That would be like calling Albert Einstein a Nazi just because he was German born. You're not saying THAT, are you? I didn't think so. Plus, most of the population of Italy during the reign of the Fascists hated them. This is made clear by the public execution of Mussolini after he tried to flee the country.

Fiorello La Guardia
Fiorello La Guardia, notable for being a congressman, three time mayor of New York and the namesake of one of the cities three largest airports, is directly responsible for defeating the Germans in World War II.

Here's how:

La Guardia pushed hard and put loads of pressure onto the police to clean up New York. New York mobsters, including the Five Families, were hit the hardest. This was fuel to the fire for federal prosecutor Thomas E. Dewey who made it his mission to lock up flashy Mafioso's like Dutch Schultz. Lucky Luciano, founder and head of the Commission, grew fearful of the public attention and had Schultz murdered in the hopes of muting the publics interest. After the murder of Schultz, Dewey turned his full attention to Luciano who was sentenced to 30-50 years for running the largest prostitution ring in American history. During World War II, the Allies needed a way to open up a southern front against the Germans who were already battling the Americans coming up from France and the Russians hammering away on the western front. That's when the US government propositioned Lucky Luciano, now imprisoned, to use his Italian connections to ensure safe passage for the Allied soldiers traveling north through Italy. Luciano's sentence was reduced as his mafia buddies in Italy waved the Allies through the backdoor of Europe. Germany was defeated and Hitler blew his brains out while listening to Wagner.
Lucky Luciano

THAT, my friends, is how Fiorello La Guardia is DIRECTLY responsible for the Allied victory in World War II.


Your wife said...

"Thanks for reminding me."

Quin Browne said...

this is how my sicilian father put italy and it's citizens and war:

"during war, the germans, the english, the americans... they stop in the afternoon, have something to eat, bolster them up for more fighting. the italians? we take a nap, and see who is winning when we wake up, sliding over to their side."

i think he's right, since i get dozy every afternoon around 2p... don't you?