Sunday, September 28, 2008

The Five Minute Bitch Slap

Wedding is the word for this weeks Sunday Scribblings . It also happens that I recently had a conversation about weddings with my BFF, Prince Gomolvilas . Enjoy the transcript.

ring ring ring

Mike: Yello?

Prince: Hey, Mike. It's me, Prince!

Mike: Oh, hey buddy! It's nice to hear from you! What do I owe the pleasure of this call?

Prince: I was just calling to check in, see how things are going with you.

Mike: I appreciate that. Good, good. The cream you suggested work brilliantly. The pain is almost gone.

Prince: That's good. What can I say? This beat-up Chevy's been around the block a few times, if you know what I mean.

Mike: (uncomfortable chuckle) Yeah, I think I do, Prince. So, anyways, is your sister still engaged to old what's-his-face?

Prince: Yes, and I wouldn't care that she devotes her life to some stranger she barely knows if it weren't for the possibility that she discovers that they aren't compatible and divorce.

Mike: I wouldn't want my sister to go through that type of heartache, either.

Prince: Fuck heartache. I just don't want her to get re-married. One wedding is enough to attend. I'm not sitting through another. If Brad Pitt can't get married because gays can't get married, then she shouldn't get married.

Mike: Well said.

Prince: She needs to respect Brad Pitt's premeditated decision to use one group's lack of civil liberties to disguise his own fear of commitment.

Mike: Not all weddings are bad, though. Mine was lovely. It was a Spring wedding, small, outside. . .

Prince: Shut the fuck up.

Mike: Or if it's a large wedding, maybe it'll be like the opening scene of the Godfather. Remember?

Prince: Yeah. That was a pretty fun looking wedding. The best part was when the curly-haired guy. . .

Mike: Sonny.

Prince: Yeah, Sonny. When he was fucking the bride in that room. That was crazy!

Mike: That wasn't the bride. It was a bridesmaid he was screwin'.

Prince: No, it wasn't! It was the bride!

Mike: Prince, the bride was Sonny's sister. He was fuckin' his sister?

Prince: (awkward silence) Well, that certainly changes the plot significantly.

Mike: Sorry to cut this short, but I think I have to reapply some of my cream. It's starting to puss again.

Prince: Alright. Bye, BFF.

Mike: Bye, you.

click.


5 comments:

Prince Gomolvilas said...

This transcript is inaccurate. I would never use that much profanity. I am a lady.

Quin Browne said...

wow.

I mean, just....wow.

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

Yes Mike, Prince is a lady. She would never curse like that.

Maybe should try subtle bitchiness. That works well for her.

missalister said...

Alright, alright…been reading your SS stuff for awhile…I keep coming back so I might as well say something, eh? All in all I like the hard facts and brass tacks here. Too much sunshiny stuff makes me queasy and I hate barfing saccharin.

Blau said...

Have I (and the other jailbait from the chat) mentioned that I love you?