Saturday, August 2, 2008

Confessions of a Guappo

Leonardo da Vinci
Universally recognized as possibly the most intelligent man to have ever lived.
He was a polymath, undisputed genius and, you guessed it, an Italian.


I thought I'd share with everyone my long standing opinion concerning the Western World and how the Italians basically own it. It goes like this: Who created the largest and longest lasting civilization that the world had ever known? That's right, the Italians. Who killed Jesus? It was the Italians, fuck the Jews. What group was the first to create paper? Well, that was the Chinese, but we've got plumbing, so fuck the Chinese. Who was the first to force Christianity down its citizens throats? That's right, those hairy knuckled, wife beating, pasta eating goombahs.

And what happened when the Roman Empire fell? Tha mothafuckin Dark Ages, bitch! That's right! Without Italian domination the whole European continent fell into a thousand year slump of religious hypocrisy, feudal wars and the Bubonic Plague. And what brought mankind out of this slump? A little thing you might've heard of called the Italian Renaissance! Yeah, that's right! Suck it up your ass!



*So yeah, I'm not full Italian, but Tiger Woods isn't full black, either. So suck it.

4 comments:

shaikens said...

hahaha, and neither is Obama...

shaikens said...

I tell people something different each time I meet them. A lot of times its Italian. I didn't know "we" OWNED so much, man. Thanks for filling me in on my fake past. History Lessons with Mike Valentino everybody. Can you handle it?

Mike Valentino said...

on the shoulders of giants, shaikens. the shoulders of giants.

Peter Varvel said...

Also, he was a big ol' homo (I know cuz I did him).
I guess that's why they made him Drew Barrymore's fairy godmother in 'Ever After.'