Monday, August 18, 2008

A Personal History Vol. 1

-OR-
Queers: Acquiescing to Their True Nature

I grew up a sheltered life on the humid beaches of Sullivan's Island. There were two black families on the island and that was it. And the two black families were only there because sum white dude back in the day was bumpin' uglies with the colored help, had chil'ren and put them in his bloated will. Well, Sullivan's Island became a book (seriously, read it) and I became an awkward teenager forced off of the island and into the blistered hands of the public school system. My painful integration into the world of celebrated poverty and Gullah dialects I now view as necessary in the toughening of my young spirits. It wasn't until a few years later that I got a swift realization of another seedy subculture of social deviants: the Homosexuals!

Jason Chard was a flaming homosexual. We didn't know that in 7th grade, though. "Fag" was still this meaningless word intended to express amusement and ridicule. He was unusual to say the least. He wore outlandish clothes and listened to Marilyn Manson (I'm showing my age, right?) which I found to be a wonderful conversation starter. Our friendship, however, was doomed before it ever blossomed. I blame this largely on Jason's own queerness. The same overtly crass personality that attracted my curiosity at first soon helped develop my intense hatred for the boy. I remember the first time I talked with him was as we walked out of the middle school gymnasium. It must have been purely small talk because the bulk of it I can not remember. Our parting words I do, however. My stepfather (a Hoosier) was picking me up from school when Jason looked at me and said, "That's your dad? He's a weird looking fucker!"

Even after all these years, if I were to pass his lifeless corpse by the side of the road- I would leave in search of a tall glass of water. Once I found a tall glass of water, I would swallow it and return to where his body lay for the sole purpose of pissing on his rotting flesh.

*This is the first post in a scheduled series of three. Tune in Tuesday to hear more of Mike Valentino's run-ins with those sneaky queer bastards! Also- Is queer bashing EVER justified, and, if so, is Mike Valentino guilty of hate crime?


To Be Continued. . .

3 comments:

Prince Gomolvilas said...

"The same overtly crass personality that attracted my curiosity at first soon helped develop my intense hatred for the boy."

...If this is where our relationship is headed, we might as well stop now.

I've been doing asshole-expanding exercises with a dildo in anticipation of your forced entry--but I now see that I should just simply quit. It's fruitless (in every sense of the word).

Quin Browne said...

1. i was so not prepared for that photo.


2."if I were to pass his lifeless corpse by the side of the road- I would leave in search of a tall glass of water. Once I found a tall glass of water, I would swallow it and return to where his body lay for the sole purpose of pissing on his rotting flesh."

this, this made me laugh.

3. you know what this is doing, don't you? i am going to head to la for a nice relaxing holiday, and have to watch prince's made up gay porn with your photo put into the film.


(sigh)

Mike Valentino said...

This is One of Three
It gets worse