Friday, August 15, 2008

A Conversation with. . .

ring ring ring

Me: Yello!?

Shaikens: Hey! Can I speak with Michael, please?

Me: Speaking. Who's this?

Shaikens: Hey, this is Shaikens from the internet.

Me: "From the internet"? Really?

Shaikens: Yeah, I gotta make this quick. The League's holding their semi-finals down at the bowling alley tonight, so let's cut the bullshit.

Me: Ok. (My voice trembled with fear)

Shaikens: You need to fix your RSS feed. You're not coming up on my page so there's no way I can keep track of your complete awesomeness.

Me: Do you mean 'aweSUMness'?

Shaikens: What?

Me: You know, spelled SUM instead of SOME?

Shaikens: We're on the phone.

. . . awkward pause. . .

Me: What IS a RSS feed?

Shaikens: What do you mean, 'what IS a RSS feed'?

Me: Well, this is sort of embarrassing, but I'm kinda new to this whole internet thing. I've never blogged before.

the receiver crackled with so much laughter

Shaikens: You've never blogged before?! Ha ha ha! What a loser! Ha ha ha! Wait a second. Are you crying? Seriously? I can't believe you're crying! What a pussy! Bad Sum Bitch? More like, uh, just Bitch! Ha ha ha!

Me: Please, stop. I'm on medication.

Shaikens: Ha ha ha! You're sick! Ha ha!

Me: Well, uh, I'm glad you called, Shaikens.

Shaikens: Ha ha ha!

Me: I guess I'll let you get to your game. Are you there? Hello?

. . . if you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again. . .


Quin Browne said...

never come between a woman and her bowling ball, jack.

jus' sayin' is all.

shaikens said...


okay. clearly you had our conversation recorded without me knowing it, because that is WORD FOR WORD how it went! I was thinking about pressing charges. And then I realized... wait. This is Valentino. I like his style. Nevermind.

Mike Valentino said...

Accuracy and truth are the keystones to my blog. As for the police, psh! F the po-lice! I'm more afraid of a gal with a bowling ball and a gleam in her eye (yeah, that would be you, Shaikens!)

Peter Varvel said...

Shaikens is now my new Most Recent Favorite Goddess to Worship (but I'm still on my knees for you, Mr. Valentino).