What a long, awkward trip it's been. Here's the breakdown for those who haven't been paying attention: The Catalyst, The Backlash , followed promptly by A Lot of Soul Searching, and then the birth of Artistic Respect , and now this. . .
ring, ring, ring
Me: Yello! Talk to me.
Prince: Ok. Who is this?
Me: It's me. You know, your online love interest.
Prince: Mike Valentino?
Me: In the flesh. The hot, sultry, pornographic flesh. How I got your number is not important, so don't ask. I just thought it was time that the relationship move up to the next plateau.
Prince: Wow. Uh. . . I don't know what to say. Mike, we don't have a relationship. You're married, remember? And I'm an entertainer. I'm a playwright. I work with make-believe.
Me: Of course I know I'm married. I love my wife very much. Are you saying I don't? Because if you are then we've got a problem.
Prince: Calm down. I didn't realize how much you Southerners loved your wives.
Me: Actually it's just me. Most Southerners only pretend to love their wives because some preacher told them they'll go to Hell if they don't. I am actually deeply, deeply in love with my wife. She told me I could pursue you on the side, though. She said you appeared "clean".
Prince: Well, I'm flattered, but you do know that you can't tell if a person is an STD carrier by mere appearances, right?
Me: STD? Ha Ha Ha. You big city fellas with your abbreviations. Ha Ha.
Prince: Anyways. . . Mike, I'm NOT gay.
Prince: It's an act. I figured that being Asian wasn't enough to make me stand out in California, so I created this gay persona. I'm even more of a minority than before. It's fabulous.
Me: I didn't think homosexuals were considered minorities in California. Huh. You learn something new everyday. Well (sighs with discontentment) I've gotta go shave my legs. I'll talk to you later, PrinceyPoo!
Prince: Ok, bye then.
Prince hangs up the phone and shakes his head in shame. "Wow" he says to himself. "What a fucking queer".