Friday, August 8, 2008

A Lazy Afternoon

Well I took the twins to the vet today to get their nails done. The vet does it for free, so why not, right? Anyways, Dixie went first as Ernie circled my feet. Then I put her down and held Ernie while he got his nails trimmed so he wouldn't maul the vet tech's face off. About half way thru I think to myself, "what the fuck is that awful, horrible, terrible, no-good smell?" and I glance down to see the floor and the heel of my shoe completely covered in Dixie's shit. Oh, and she also pissed everywhere. It was a wonderful experience.

In the lobby of the vet's office, this uptight tourist couple and their well groomed Hispanic children are waiting with their poodle (no lie). I get behind them in line and listen to them petitioning the receptionist to let them see the vet at once. Apparently their dog got its first tick and they were completely oblivious as to what should be done about it. I politely offered to pluck the tick off but was ignored. Obviously the silver spoon these people were born with contained a healthy dollop of stupidity, because these parents wouldn't even let their kids pet the dog until said tick was terminated. The receptionist happily sold them some Advantix and told them to go back to where they came from (ya ain't frum round here, is ya?). All the while my two hellions are wrapping their respective leashes around my legs and barking profusely at the pampered pooch.

Then Bekki and I joined forces to tackle the grueling task of finally switching the tags on our cars over to North Carolina plates (which also included a safety and omissions test). $300 sum odd dollars later we were finally freed from the ignorant governmental clutches of South Carolina and now fully immersed in the, hopefully, more apt hands of the North Carolina powers-that-be.

On the drive home from the grocery store where another $100 was blown, a minor disagreement between Bekki and I was had concerning the consumption of alcohol that was tentatively scheduled for whenever I felt like it. After we split to different sides of the house to waste our energies cleaning and organizing instead of brawling, we kissed, hugged and overall made amends.

Around this time the neighbor boy, Austin , came by with the bicycle pump we had requested to borrow. I was surprised that all three of our ancient and rusted bikes rode perfectly fine. I even took it down the hill into the parking lot of the Baptist Church across the street. Sum would have you believe that a grown man has no place on a purple woman's mountain bike, but I would have to strongly disagree. While trespassing on church property, Austin and I spotted a bird that had been trapped in an unairconditioned building flapping vigorously against a window. After we were denied assistance by sum lingering Baptists, the three of us tried in vain to break into the locked building. I guess "all of God's creatures" only applies to those who vote Republican.

Next on the agenda was dinner with Bekki's parents to celebrate her father's 69th birthday. It was a pleasant evening. To cap off the day, Bekki and I whipped out our books and read well into the night. The end.

And, once again, if anyone cares I have already devoured 130 pages of this literary monster .


Stinky ass said...

Getting all that crap done yesterday wasn't lazy! I felt so accomplished! It was a good day, though.

Quin Browne said...

i hate tourists.

just thought i'd throw that out there.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm. Anne Rice and Judy Blume.

Quin Browne said...

well, if we are getting literary...

london, a biography


i finished john adams... the book, not the guy's remains.

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

I was PEEKING at the books on the bookshelf behind the adorable canines.
I have GOT to slow down.

Mike Valentino said...

Veronica- Thank you for clarifying. I have to admit that I was a little bewildered. Yeah, they're not mine. My wife, Bekki, devours books like fat chicks do Cheetos.

Anonymous said...

Just now I "peaked" as if reaching climax over your books, because I'm always doing too many things at once and very few of them well. Then I deleted, then I "peeked." Sorry about that.

I am thoroughly enjoying your Words.